What I learned trying to quit social media (Part 1)

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Thursday June 8th, 2023

In 2020 I felt such a strong urge to share Tarot teachings that I moved through my fears of being visible and began doing IG lives twice a week. It was called Tarot for the Collective- maybe you came to a few or caught a replay…or maybe you had no idea that happened. Either way, I’m so happy we connected.

At the time I felt an (over?) responsibility to share some of the teachings that helped me to find grounding in a world that made me feel of out control and frightened. Tarot allowed me to understand that the challenges and joys of the human variety are where we find connection points with one another. But I also learned that to connect from these softer authentic places, we as humans will need to become more vulnerable and willing to trust. A big ask in our current modern reality. Our ability to trust other depends on a core solid trust in our selves. (I never knew that!)

Developing self trust has been a life changing practice that I’ve developed for myself by fumbling through it, educating myself on lots of different spiritual and energetic practices and learned from others who live their teachings and prefer to share through osmosis rather than dogma. I faced my need to feel safe in the shadow of teachers who were in search of power & prestige - and left those relationships with the hope that something more real could emerge.

And then things really began to change. I allowed myself to feel my preferences and give them weight. Why had I been discounting and diminishing the things that mattered to me? Why did I assume “ everyone else” knew more than me and had a better approach to getting through life? Where had I learned to gaslight myself into utter confusion, believing I should be living some one else’s glossy magazine looking life instead of my own beautifully imperfect sometimes complicated version of reality?

There are so many answers to this question: early childhood conditioning, trauma, the cruelty and invisibility of oppression, the crushing weight of fear that is an essential core component of capitalism, and for me - Social Media.

It’s so complicated- Social media offers connection , community and the ability to organize and distribute information on a global scale. It helps communities that are unsafe and marginalized to find one another and their allies.

But it’s also the perfect playground for the narcissist who needs an endless supply of other people’s attention and energy. And there’s a algorithm at work that makes most of us low-key paranoid.

So how do we know what’s right for us? How do we know if it’s bad for us - maybe the good is out-weighing the bad, right?

Exactly.

Because it’s a super personal consideration - only you can know what works for you based on your lived experience, your relationship to trauma (and healing!) - and most importantly your relationship with yourself.

It’s like the 7 of Cups card in action. When we don’t know what to choose and we’re looking to the larger culture for answers, it’s easy to get confused. The big house looks like a good goal, so do the money and jewels, the attractive partner, the high-powered or high-paying job. These are the realities and pressures within a late stage capitalist system…we’re taught to choose from fear instead of joy.

But we can simplify our life by choosing our authentic, natural connection with our Spirit above all else. Once we remember and give some loving attention to ourselves and are willing to consider deepening the connection with our Spirit, we open ourselves to a guidance that is trust-worthy.

For me guidance means that when something feels emotionally icky to me, I now practice imagining that there are more possibilities available - because now I understand that my Spirit never wants me to suffer. In the not so distant past, I fully believed I would just have to suck it up & suffer my way through.

Icky shows up in my body as a sensation of contraction. When I feel the pressure to be more than I am, I contract. When I feel forced into systems that I have to rationalize even though it feels bad to my heart and my body, I feel disconnected from my sprit and my guidance.

Social media feels a lot like high school to me - and I mostly uncomfortable in high school. I had a few friends, but felt painfully different in a way that only neurodivergence can now explain. I felt like everyone was living a story together, but I never got the script. I was winging it and stressed-out all of the time. I was confused by the cruelty that passed as humor.

Now my sensitivity is my super power and my guide. I’m taking a (maybe?) permanent break from IG because I’m tired of forcing my self to participate in an environment that feels too hieracichal and manipulative to me. I felt like it was training me to value the wrong things in myself and others.

It’s been years now since I’ve actively engaged and I feel clear. I feel like a real, wonderfully messy person. I’ve temporarily deleted my account to experiment with how it feels to be un-engaged at a deeper level.

Maybe one day I can have a social media account that I can run joyfully and with ease - but until I know how to do that I’m practicing those behaviors in the real world where I can move at the pace of my slowest and most tender parts. So far I’ve learned that (for now) it feels good to exist outside of a platform I don’t agree with ethically… I’ve released the split mind of rationalization that exhausts my energy and makes me feel that social media is the only way…because my spirit knows that it’s not.

I can also recognize that my choice may not be an option for everyone. So many of us depend on social media for our business presence or emotional connection and support.

The main themes are that it’s complicated - and really personal.

And like the 7 of cups, the only way to the answer is to be willing to sit with the questions.

I’m happy that some people can enjoy it with ease- and until I can, I’ll be playing with other ways of connection - like this!