Blend and Shape
What a day! We went to Masker Orchards, got a flat, filmed a video in which I feel alive, capable and excited.
What a life.
I feel more free each day. I make more sense to myself each day. My life makes for sense to me each day.
I am receiving everything that I’ve been asking for- inspiration, guidance, growth, awareness and the ability to release the old thoughts that aren’t serving my highest good.
It is a joy to be in the flow. To have an amazing day even with a flat tire.
To feel mostly at ease in my body and to be able to negotiate with my body’s triggers and reactions before they pull me towards dissociation.
I felt the stirring of words from a new place.
Not of the mind - instead, from the senses.
I am finding you as you are finding me.
And our moments of being drawn together are so sweet. I’m learning to enjoy a slower pace of bite sized developments.
We sat in the back of the 4runner - feeling like the Element car camping videos I watch on Youtube.
I got to see myself enhanced in my own eyes- not only because I’ve grown, but because I let certain relationships, dynamics and belief systems go.
We saw a future version of how life can feel more often - warm, soft, sweet and simple.
We woke up with ease, early, before the alarm.
Made bagels then heated up frozen bean burritos, which turned out to be a deliciously satisfying lunch.
We packed 2x40 oz containers of water and brought a warm canteen of apple spice tea.
It was perfect - because it was so imperfect.
I can choose to love my bravery for being on camera.
I can choose to love the genius of our partnership.
I can choose to love having grown into what were doing now.
Maybe it matters- a couple finding joy, a woman rediscovering her voice, and bravery outside the stifling expectations of our culture. Accepting grey hair, unpolished nails, no make-up, no pretense.
Being kind, and making beautiful work of the moments we don’t always notice.
Who knows?
Making video together is simply the next step as we follow the signs that guide our life.
I had such a strange, lovely, confusing sense of culmination.
A coming together of my life in a way that’s bigger than anything my conscious mind could have planned.
I look at J and see my father’s creative longings, freed through our creative play. We talk of making films together and I think of my Mother’s film school ambitions.
Now J and I have the privilege and honor of planning stories, concepts, ideas and filming them with our hearts.
I trust him like no other so a work relationship seems natural.
I shot the Q2 today and at one point relaxed into the knowing of my developing artist self who is so multi- disciplinary. A person who writes, photographs, designs clothing, paints, choreographs, reads tarot, practices reiki…and anything my curious mind wants to add along the way.
Without the impossible goal of perfection, we can find joy in process alone.
I can come home and push puddles of watercolor pigment to blend and shape and attempt to express what the day embedded within me.
It has felt like such a gift to see myself in a new way over these last days and weeks.
I get to be all of me.
The old beliefs and stories have become too repetitive-I’m catching on.
I’m so appreciative to have captured the joy of this beautiful autumn day with my beloved.
Among the trees, heavy with apples. Around kind folks who want to spend time in nature.
Thank you, Life, for these experiences. I know I can only see a fraction of the web that’s being woven on our behalf, for our greatest joy and happiness.
I welcome the love - I’m having fun learning how to receive it.